MY HUMBLE OPINION

AN OPEN LETTER TO YOU MY SISTER

Dearly beloved Sisters,

It’s being long time since the day I said I would write to you. It hasn’t been easy trying to get topics to address and also write to you about. Everywhere I turn to, I get to see you, your beauty and the smile that hides your struggle to find love and the hurt you pass through to keep the flame going, so you keep all the pain bottled up so that you don’t become vulnerable. Vulnerability doesn’t always
mean weakness, it shows you are tired of the situation and you need help. My letter to you will help you know that you are not alone in this struggle and it will interest you to know that the lady sitting next to you share similar problems as you. So sit back and be comfortable while you read.

GOOD GROOMING

This part got me saying “HABA”. Babe how hard is it to clean up real well. You don’t expect that guy to be with you with that entire odor, if na you, you go gree stay? Get a deodorant e no cost at all and no be sin. If you expect a clean man, don’t you think these men expect cleanliness from you? Its simple wash your dresses and iron them before you step out. What about oral hygiene? Don’t kill that young man with the smell that comes out from our mouth, always brush regularly. Your weaves shouldn’t turn to ancient of days remove it when it’s old, it’s called weave not implants, so always take care of your hair, and you don’t want that man smelling something awful when he wants to kiss your head. When you are well groomed it is natural to be admired by a man which increases your self-esteem.

SELF CONFIDENCE

By self-confident, I mean “Run the World by Beyoncé” kind of confidence. Do you ladies and run your life. Don’t allow anyone define you by their own eyes, don’t be conformed by societies definition of a perfect woman rock your brand of beauty and heels well, you will enjoy it. You will lose yourself imitating someone’s life, so don’t try it. Set the trend and you will be flawless or maybe be caught singing “flawless by Beyoncé” (ha ha ha, no too vex, am strong believer of girl power). Get out of your way to be selfless, hit the gym, be clear on things that really matters to you, learn something new, go networking and interact with people.When you find yourself in a social gathering, don’t sit alone or fold your arms, break out your cycle of friends and meet people, talk to them and make new friends. If anyone says otherwise, put on your long gown, take your hair back, wear does cute heels stand up to them and sing Brand new me by Alicia Keys (don’t you just love when songs inspire you) . Hello brave girl.

DEM SAY DEM SAY

Sisters (married or single) abeg stop the empty chatter. Men don’t like ladies that gossip na wetin dem tell me, so zip it. By the way what do we gain by running other people down? As a matter of fact it makes us petty.Instead of the empty chatter let’s talk history, fashion (I know you like that), board room meetings, our family and the corporate world waiting for us, after all it’s not a man’s world anymore. Gossip can only demean us when it blows out in the open. When you have an urge to gossip, read your book, listen to music or sleep.  You don’t want to fall into trouble.

HE IS NOT FOUR

A lot of us fall in to this category. Checking our phones to know when last he was online, stop it. Stop the plenty awkward checking up and internet stalking, he is not four years old and you are not his mother. This young man has a life, friends and since he is not married to you, he has family. Let him breath. Remember those times when you call him up at 6am to know how he is doing and you wished him a pleasant day ahead, sure he will answer the call, you called up at midday to know how he is fairing at work,then at 7pm you called to know if he has arrived home (if you do this things mentioned you need a hobby). No vex mek I ask you, you be monitoring spirit? It’s only a matter of time this man will stop picking your calls,if at all he hasn’t started it already. By doing this, you are setting yourself up for a heart break. The truth is you have succeeded in scaring a man away. Know your place in his life and don’t act all motherly. Sometimes he might be in a relationship, don’t break it. Men talk trust me and they are talking about you. Now you don’t want to be the topic of his cycle, especially when you know the friends he rolls with. Give him time and if he is not coming along leave him. I know some strong girls will say, why don’t we ask him out? “Well if boy likes girl and girl likes boy and boy don’t know how to talk to girl, girl has to talk to boy” (not my words, I totally watched it in a TV series). Please be cautious you don’t want to send out the wrong signal. This brings me to my next point.

SWITCH OF THE GREEN LIGHT

I mentioned something about girl asking boy out, you see it’s only a strong girl that can do that. Most times for the weak ones like myself, the urge is there but we seal it in. I have seen a lot of men that caught my fancy but after a while he is just a regular person to me. Sometimes girl asking boy out works, I have heard stories about such act leading to marriage, but it boils down to different personalities. Some men love ladies that take charge but you may never know, then you ask the wrong one out, you will be in for a shocker. There are options, one of which is to be seen as a lose girl and the other is to fall in love with wrong man who will just take advantage of your love for him. I believe in the old school kind of love;boy ask girl out and boy should love girl more. 

GET YOUR LIFE, GET YOUR MONEY AND BE A QUEEN

While you wait for love, don’t pause your life and don’t stalk that man. Do something engaging, get a job, learn a new trade, go out every day and be the queen of your castle, no man loves an idle lady. Let him find you busy making your own money. You may never know, you may just find him when you are busy for yourself and making your own money. For the sit at home chic no man will break your front door and ask you out. So get busy doing something responsible.

BE READY BEFORE DATING

You see my darlings, that man’s heart is not made of stone and he has feelings just like you. If you are not ready to date, please don’t put yourself out there. You may cause more harm than good. You may never know you are still hurting from the previous relationship until you get into another one. No man wants to find out he is a rebound and he is paying for another man’s mistake. While you are busy making sure he pays the sins of your ex, you will miss the chance to know the new man better. 

SAVE YOUR EXPERTISE TILL MARRIAGE

By expertise, I mean cooking, cleaning, laundry and sex. When you begin to offer men things they should get from you in marriage, it sends the wrong message to their heads. If he can get these much from you on a regular when he is not married to you, why then should he pop the question. That man is not handicapped, so why doing his domestic work for him, except maybe he is paying you and the money is good in your pocket. Ladies come on we are not petty and desperate for love, so why have sex with him when he is not married to you (I need a grey area here). Something just popped in my head, you may be saying what if I don’t give him sex and he goes out to get it. Well if a man is all about your breast and thighs send him to KFC (not my words). Secondly you are saying I have sexual needs too, well my dear can you reduce the regularity of offering that man sex (e go better say u hold body) because it doesn’t guarantee you his name. A man who truly loves you won’t stop loving you when you stop giving him sex. As a matter of fact he will respect and guard you. You don’t have to prove anything to him. If you can cook, you can cook. If you can clean, you can clean.Peradventure it worked for you, your expertise won you a change of title and you married this man, just know it was your expertise that did the job. So when you are in this man house don’t complain that you are tired of the laundry or the cooking and cleaning, don’t even complain that you are tired of sex in marriage, after all that’s why he married you. So if you dare stop, I repeat if you dare stop, na for village dem go hear your tori. Lastly a big secret and please quote me, all me can cook, no matter how tasteless it is, they know their round the cooking stove. It may not be tasteful as yours or tongue friendly but they will eat it with joy because that’s how they function. They value things they work for (that includes a lady so they hate being turned down). Haven’t you consider why they love football. It is psychology baby.

SPECIFICATIONS

You can’t expect so much from a man like you do with your phone. He is human and he has flaws, please cut him some slack. A man told me that sometimes he wonders what ladies expect in a man and their definition of a perfect man is not reasonable. As a matter of fact he said women are clueless. I wasn’t happy o (the yabbing was too much) but I had to listen to him. My dear, sometimes the kind of specifications in men you wrote down in your book,you may have to mold him yourself. Your walls are so high that the prince of England can’t climb through (please if you see Prince Harry, tell him am tripping). It is okay to know what you want in a man but it is also good you realize he did not create himself. The tall, fair, blue eyes, make me smile always, take me on a cruise bla bla bla, leave it in the Barbie world.

NO COMPARISON, BE CONTENTED AND DON’T PUSH HIS POCKET

He asked you out and you agreed, on the verge of marriage or you are married to him. For you to decide to date or marry that man, you love what you saw in him, now am referring to his pocket. Be contended with what he gives you. Stop comparing your life with the girl next door. Don’t push that man to steal, help him save. My sister he is a civil servant not a shell employee and you met him that way so suck it up and love him for who he is. Yes there are greedy men, but before you decided to marry him surely you knew he had gluey pockets. When you are dating a man that won’t care about the least of your need what makes you think he will change in marriage (hey single ladies that’s how to spot a glue to the pocket man). Don’t ask him for gifts he can’t afford, I meant it when I said; get a life, get your money and be a queen.

BE HIS HELPER

Every man loves a woman that supports helps and motivates him (single or married). Instead of telling him how bad a man he is, telling him how great he is becoming. Help him to be better and advise him when he is at cross roads. If all he can afford is fish for soup, please buy meat if you have the money to and you have earned your respect in the home.You see sisters, it bothers me a whole lot and I could go on writing but I would stop here for now.

You can’t do things right and attract the wrong man. Know your worth as a woman and uphold your virtue. I will be waiting to hear from you. Send in your stories and I will help you out. Till then, keep smiling.

Ama